A Biblical Theology Of Marriage And Divorce

        "And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?" (Matthew 19:4-5)

        People committed to matrimony are, in ideal circumstances, to remain united for the remainder of their earthly lives. Exceptions to this rule would include the passing of a spouse (Romans 7:2-3), desertion by an unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:14-15), marital unfaithfulness (Matthew 19:9), and spousal abuse. If one of these conditions is met, then one is free to seek after a new spouse. It is within the framework of marriage that a man exercises his conjugal prerogatives (Genesis 1:28). It is within that context man discovers for himself a unique kind of love and companionship (Genesis 2:18). Spiros Zodhiates wrote that:

        "Biblical love is based on the spiritual relationship between a man and a woman before any relationship of the flesh. They who are spiritually joined together become one flesh that never separates. They who are attracted only by the physical appearance constantly live in the temptation of seeing someone else who many be more attractive. The possibility of steadfastness in a marriage that is based on looks and mere sexual satisfaction is very small indeed compared to the spiritual relationship based on agape, love that seeks not self-satisfaction primarily, but meeting the need of one’s partner. The satisfaction of meeting the need of another is far greater than the satisfaction of selfish procurement." (What About Divorce?, p. 72-73)

        In Romans 7:2-3, Paul explains that a married woman is bound by law to her husband as long as he lives. However, if he dies, she is free to remarry without being guilty of adultery. This analogy is used to illustrate that believers are released from the Law's binding power through Christ's death, just as a widow is freed from her marital bond upon her husband's death. Therefore, the passage indicates that it is permissible for a widow to remarry, aligning with the broader theological point that Christians are freed from the Law's condemnation through their union with Christ. 

        In 1 Corinthians 7:14-15, Paul addresses the situation of believers married to unbelievers. He explains that the unbelieving spouse is sanctified through their believing partner, which means their children are also under a godly influence. However, if the unbelieving spouse chooses to leave the marriage, the believer is not bound in such circumstances and is free to let them go. This passage underscores that while a mixed-faith marriage can have a sanctifying effect on the family, the believer is not obligated to remain in the marriage if the unbelieving spouse departs. The Christian is thus granted freedom in such situations.

        In Matthew 19:9, Jesus states that anyone who divorces their spouse, except for sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery. This verse allows for divorce in the case of sexual immorality, suggesting that remarriage is not adulterous in such circumstances. The passage highlights the sanctity and permanence of marriage, permitting divorce only in specific, severe cases. The exception clause suggests that while marriage is intended to be permanent, severe breaches like infidelity justify dissolution and subsequent remarriage.

        In the cultural and historical context of Jesus' time, Jewish law allowed for divorce on the grounds of serious marital unfaithfulness, such as adultery. This broader understanding of "porneia" included various forms of sexual immorality, which suggests that Jesus' audience would have interpreted His exception clause in Matthew 19:9 as permitting divorce in cases of adultery. Further, different Jewish sects had varied interpretations of permissible grounds for divorce, indicating a less rigid approach than the Roman Catholic Church's stance on the indissolubility of marriage. Thus, the view of "porneia" as solely referring to unlawful marriages does not fully align with the broader and more flexible understanding prevalent during Jesus' era.

        Marriage is intended to be the life-long dedication of one to a partner of the opposite sex. Thus, adultery is wrong for obvious reasons. It involves lying in that the promise of fidelity gets broken and unfair in that the wronged spouse is robbed of due benevolence. Adultery turns what was intended to be a permanent vow right on its own head. If fornication and adultery are morally permissible, then that undermines the purpose for which marriage exists. 

        As for eliminating temptation, that cannot be done perfectly because human nature is fallen and said proclivities will creep up on us from time to time. The best way to dampen down temptation is to identify with certainty its source and find ways to permanently remove or avoid it. Jesus Christ specifically taught that lusting is equivalent to actually committing adultery and fornication (Matthew 5:28-29). It is a form of idolatry (Colossians 3:5). However, being physically attracted to a member of the opposite sex is not wrong in and of itself. We were biologically hardwired to be that way.

        God absolutely despises divorce (Malachi 2:16). He regards it as evidence of faithlessness. Divorce was not a part of His original order of things. God only tolerated the termination of marriages because the hearts of men are hard (Matthew 19:8-9). He knew that our relationships could go sour. Therefore, if it be at all possible, it is best for arguing couples to seek reconciliation. That may entail a degree of compromise in either one or both parties. For instance, wives and children should never be placed into a situation that leaves them without sustenance to provide for their needs. Every situation is different and must be dealt with accordingly.

        In order for a marriage to be successful, both partners must agree to fulfill the obligations that have been assigned to them by God. There has to be necessary conditions for the husband and wife to abide by, for households cannot stand in a state of contention. Further, one person cannot realistically be expected to complete a job which requires working with other people. Marriage involves personal accountability. It is based on commitment of the spouses to each other. The underlying principle of marriage is self-sacrifice.

         Wives play a foundational role in the raising of their children (Titus 2:4-5; 1 Timothy 2:15; 5:14). They are free to take on other responsibilities, as long as the duties of husbands are not interfered with. The man is supposed to show loving leadership over his family and provide for it (1 Timothy 5:8; Ephesians 5:25). The position of the husband is not one of giving orders, but involves a greater sense of personal responsibility. Marriage is the sharing of a mutual goal, a romantic partnership. It represents the different responsibilities that both leading figures of the family have and what they owe each other.

        Marriage was instituted by God, so He has complete authority over it. Divorce could actually be seen as a grace in that it exists when no potential remedies work. This kind of a decision should never be taken lightly and only in sorrow. The best thing to do is marry somebody who shares a similar worldview. Even a person who claims to be a Christian may be a bad candidate for marriage (Matthew 7:21). Some people may have to wait a long time before finally getting married, like Isaac who was forty before he got married (Genesis 25:20). In fact, a person does not have to get married if he does not want to. Even Christ spoke of the celibate (Matthew 19:11-12).